You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
