Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
