either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
