you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
