i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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