Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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