my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Randomize
