all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
