A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
