Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
