I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
