No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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