dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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