I'm eating all of the evidence.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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