The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
