i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
