You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
