That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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