What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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