She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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