apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just high enough for therapy.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
