Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
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There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
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When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize