i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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