I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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