You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I will be naked everywhere
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
