i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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