I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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