You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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