i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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