even my farts smell like vagina
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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