Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
