So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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