On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
