The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
even my farts smell like vagina
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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