I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
