Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
