Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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