I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
