Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
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I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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