My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
