I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
