Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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