Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
