Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
