I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
