How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
