wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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