he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
