I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
