I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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