Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
