I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
