Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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