What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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