I have demons in me.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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