Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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