every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
