Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
