I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
