If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
