Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I love having hate sex.
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Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
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Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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