no, he came in my armpit
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
