do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
