Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
