he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
