nut hugger
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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