just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
