So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
