How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Randomize
