Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
