my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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