I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
