and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
