white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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