my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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