These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
