i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
