I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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