forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
