Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
