The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
