i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
