Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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